You Know You Have a Serious Tick Problem If:

1. Your dog barks and runs away whenever you say "Tick Check" or whenever you get that roving "Tick Search" look in your eye.

2. You yell "Marco" and a thousand little unseen voices yell back, "Polo".

3. You can't see through the tick jar anymore and are afraid to look too closely!

4. Your dog's flea circus has an elephant act.

5. You keep hidden under the sink a commemorative acrylic block showing off the best of last year's crop.

6. See-ums ( These aren't the invisible guys that live in the Sea Oats at Daytona beach.)!

7. Along the edge of each door frame is a line of ticks. You almost expect them to hold up little placards that say: "Pick Me". Unconsciously, you find yourself walking through the middle of each door frame to avoid their single strand floating tethers. Fun, though, just to watch the tether strands wave in the sunlight.... , it's almost like they are fishing for humans (Ahhhhh!!!). And, for sure, sometimes its just fun to bug the bugs. You can almost hear their little voices, "I just had a big nibble Jake but then it got away.."

8. You have a tick jar in every room and a favorite tick jar recipe:
1/2 cup rubbing alcohol
1/2 cup water
tablespoon dish detergent
9. You once found a wee tiny crossword puzzle book where the main clue was "adog".

10. Some afternoons, after hiking, the top of your laundry pile looks like a large raisin cake or maybe the North slope of the Matterhorn in tourist season.

11. Like the Romulans you have a special decloaking zone and you are completely versed in the use of specialty hand mirrors to handle the Kling-ons.

12. Sensory shadows, how do they do that?

13. Beard bugs. Like certain anthrax contaminated farms in Mexico your farm is on a very special terrorist watch list. Who needs Guantanamo?

14. The local deer crossing mysteriously resembles a bus stop. And you swear the last deer on your patio said, "Tickets Please".

15. You know all the lines to the song "I'd Like to Check You For Ticks" but you really don't see the humor.

16. Like flatulence you have learned how to gracefully excuse yourself while skillfully taking care of Mr. Creepy.

17. Your dog was neutered but he still has .........

18. It sounds like the seventh planet from the sun, and nobody's going to remove that tick!!

19. Hiking trails on your farm are labeled 1 thru 10, 10 is for fire trails with enclosed vehicle access only. We would know what kind of gun to carry if we were expecting elephants.
20. Tick psychosis characterized by mindless rambling on the internet.
This list began after picking 80 of these little critters off myself following a walk across the field behind our house Spring 2008. Our dog has been so miserable you just want to cry. And while the monthly flea and heart worm pill seems to work, it hasn't seemed to slow down Mr. Creepy.
As a consequence, the dog has learned, when confronted by my wife's tick check, to whine, melt, and roll away, all in one clever maneuver. You know his misery has limits though when he sometimes just stands there and lets her pick away. The doorway to my shop is worth a picture to National Geographic, up to eight of the rascals fishing for prey usually on the north side of the door frame.