You know that you are a real "country" programmer when: 1. "keyboard error" means its time to set the traps again. 2. Your internet provider is your local Merrill Lynch representative. 3. Your computer tools include hornet spray. 4. You just flamed some REMC guy named Bubba for draining your batteries while you were gone on vacation. 5. You have your own degaussing coil and use it on your monitor after every thunderstorm.. 6 To keep her from worrying, you apologize for erasing your wife's favorite programs even though you're pretty sure it was caused by the lightning. After moving the the lightning rod wire three times you suspect the house is conductive, possibly alive.You still have to degauss the monitor but your wife now makes you do it out in the garage away from her disks. 7. Your pole transformer says "Radio Shack" on the side. 8. Its a good thing Walmart sells a GPS and DeLorme's map finder or nobody would find your house. 9. Your 56k modem is set for pulse dialing and because of noise on the line it operates at a zippy 300 baud, good old Bell 103 standard. 10. e-mail is a snub nosed Siberian gal in a parka named Margaret, and she really knows how to download (Sorry Margaret, it sounded funny at the time). 11. You are a beta-test site for 3 different gardening simulation programs and you now suspect rabbits are biasing your data. 12. You've tried scanning in butterflies directly but the results were low-res & gooey (hint: scan in a good photograph, turn the butterflies loose). 13. You have a floppy labelled "fertilizers &herbicides" and you have OCR'd your hymnal and Prairie Farmer magazine more than once.. 14. You have a JPG of you on the old Farmall with your straw hat on (but the Farmall has a dead battery and hasn't run for a while). 15. You can't look your Rural Route mailman in the face because you are on too many computer mailing lists. 16. Your barn has a satellite dish on the roof and the "SEE ROCK CITY" sign has been replaced by a huge "flying Window".. 17. You know which plastic disk boxes the mice won't chew through and the disks to prove which ones they will.. 18. You know how to clean a floppy drive clogged with dog hair and have tried reversing the fan direction. 19. You don't move your system because disturbing the dust may cause a malfunction. 20. You save bad floppy disks for the sleeves and you have mastered the art of moving the magnetic media from one floppy sleeve to another (Hint: To clean floppy media use bottled water. If you wash the media with well water the head may not read through the water spots.) 21. You measure upgrades in terms of farm produce. A sound board, for example, is thirty bales of hay, four turkeys or a small shoat. 22. You subscribe to at least one farm periodical on the internet. 23. You are afraid to touch the seed starts that have grown inside your monitor case and realize you should have transplanted them some time ago! 24. You have that special cable that hooks your tractor GPS to your computer and you have used it to map your field fertilizer requirements. 25. You're wife owns one of those computer controlled Japanese knitting machines and has programmed the computer to spell out your favorite seed company on a new winter hat! 26. You have bar-coded your cows and you can monitor them on the "cow cam". 27. Your feed trough reads the bar codes so you can measure milk yield and you are considering using Steeplechase software to control the milk parlor. Hey,it works great at the local Honda plant! Just think, with a little work you may have the first ISO-9000 certified holstein herd in the state. 28. You spend the winter months testing different fonts on your computer controlled planter and you can't wait to impress the local farm pilots association. Now, if you could just get different seeds from the same hopper and tie in the GPS you could do 4 color veggie prints. 29. Your wife is a web-mistress for the 4-H (and after the 43rd prize winning rooster you wish you had purchased the faster one pass scanner). 30. Your e-mail address is 31. You ordered your tickets to the Purdue Ag Fish Fry by internet and note that someone forgot to take down the 1995 events page. 32. You added the word "shrub", with all of its peculiar lumberjack inflections to the vocabulary of "ViaVoice". Now if you can just overcome the sound of your combine you can dictate letters while you harvest. 33. The world wide web may have started as that thing in the top of the garage. 34. You realize few Amishmen declare farm bankrupcy over technomania or a really bad computer virus but you aren't Amish.